The Minority Report

Cyrus the Great, was the Original Great (OG). Not only was Cyrus Great, he was Great long before anyone else was Great. Rumours Alexander the Great, wanted to be known as Alexander the Bleeding Deadly, in an attempt to outdo Cyrus are unproven, but I like to speculate.

When, in 529bce, Cyrus was slain in battle, plans had already been drawn up to ensure the survival of his dynasty. His two sons, Crown Prince Cambyses II and Governor of Bactria Bardiya, were to rule the empire between them. And for nearly a decade the empire prospered. But greed does awful things to men.

Eventually Bardiya, pushed ahead in the brothers slow bicycle race. He made his claim for the throne while Cambyses, was busy expanding the empire into Egypt, Libya and Ethiopia. It is said Cambyses, caught off guard, cut his leg off his own sword leaping on to his horse, in the race to get home. Gangrene killed him. An accident, it seemed, brought a premature end to a fratricidal war.

enda the great…?

For over 60 days now, we’ve had a slow bicycle race. Over 60 days of gesticulating, posturing, political hand-wringing and faux indignation. You see enda and micheal have spent over 60 days pretending they’re not related. But no matter how much they protest, we know, the two boys are brothers. Political and Ideological brothers.

There are no fundamental differences between them. They are even alike in their fundamentally funny protests of differences. And we’ve fallen for it. We’ve allowed them waste all this time!

This new deal for a new politics could have been negotiated 50 days ago. The numbers dictated they should coalesce. Apparently, this wasn’t an option. Therefore this Minority government was the only alternative. The programme should have been hammered out in hours, not months.

The painstaking negotiations, were nothing but theatre for the dull. The crack teams of negotiators, nodding in time to the mood music and clicking their fingers to the rhythmic humdrum of banal reportage. All to assure us, the electorate, that there are actual differences between the two parties. And we have fallen for it. We’ve allowed them away with this!

They’ve finally agreed terms, (a minority report) that is to create a government of the 16th Century Absentee Landlord system. This will be an administration fronted by a Fine Gael property management company. It will be supported by the absentee landlords of Fianna Fail. Rich Landlords, who want to wear the poor clothes of the peasant tenants, in the pretense that they’re ushering in New Politics. And we’ve fallen for it. We’re letting them away with this!

Our Minority Report Government, stripped of credibility before it sits, will be led by the nose by an absentee landlord. As I heard said “Fianna Fail will help Fine Gael take up the reins of power, they just require Fine Gaels complete surrender first”.

Make no mistake, this is the slow bicycle race for the ages. We haven’t even completed the first stage. When the lame duck Taoiseach enda kenny, resumes office we will be only pushing off from the starters blocks. There are, sadly, many more miles to come and no clear winner can be predicted from this far out. But one thing is clear, this is a phoney war; Fianna Fail Brother against Fine Gael Brother. We only need to sit back, and see who turns on who first, Political Fratricide.

What’s my best guess at what will happen, who do I think will ultimately win out?

Let’s go back to Persia and Cyrus the Great. While he’s today remembered as the founder of human rights, his Cyrus Cylinder predates the Magna Carta by over a millennium; he earned his moniker on the battlefield. It was his (Alan Kelly like) thirst for Power, battle and conquest, that led to his beheading in battle, aged 70. The queen of the tribe who defeated him had his head put in a blood filled wine-skin; so that the Great King’s thirst might finally be sated.

His sons engaged in the slow bicycle race for Power. Crown Prince Cambyses, died before the battle became really bloody. But what of the victor, what of Bardiya, I hear you ask? Is it true; is it that to the victor goes the spoils? Did he go on to be known as Bardiya the Great?

Well, you won’t believe me, but it just so happened that one of Cambyses lance-bearers, a distant cousin by the name of Darius*…

..let’s just say that Darius, he turned out to be pretty Great. But that’s a whole other story.


Tony Groves April 2016enda martin1

*Cambyses < Bardiya < Darius, my head hurts.


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